even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
