Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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