When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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