so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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