chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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