I can text with my tongue
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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