I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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