I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
