You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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