Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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