I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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