He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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