i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
