9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
