my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
