Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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