she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
