i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i love accidental penises.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
