my mouth tastes like poor choices
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
