OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
