Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
