I love black thongs
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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