I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
