I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
