Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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