Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
