I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Terrible idea I love it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
