Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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