help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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