So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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