sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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