i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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