I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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