$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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