Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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