wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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