Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
