What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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