it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
