It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
