I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
