how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
