I wanna bring you to show and tell
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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