Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
