girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
