drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
