I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
