Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
