We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
