he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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