I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
