You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
