My liver just broke up with me...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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